Running Wild in the Burbs

Oops, typo. I meant “Reading Wild in the Burbs.” But anyway, now that you’re here, please stay for a little story about a book (Cheryl Strayed‘s Wild, film out December 5), and a special bookclub. So about that bookclub…

Our first meeting was in my living room. Our first book was Alice McDermott’s Charming Billy. We drank wine; we laughed at the odd questions in the bookclub guide I’d bought. Some of us were new to each other, but quick connections were made. Sixteen years later, our bookclub of eight is still together, six of us since the beginning. Our rules are few: Try to read the book. Skip stilted discussion guides. Rotate monthly meetings (and serve good food). Find dates that work for all of us.

We each have our own talents and interests. One member plays ice hockey; another is an ardent traveler. We work in IT, public policy, education and the environment. Some of us write. Everyone can cook. My claim to fame: I am the Cal Ripkin of bookclub. For just as he didn’t miss a game for seventeen straight seasons, I’m fairly certain I haven’t missed a bookclub meeting in all these years. (Okay, maybe one or two–the memory is not what it was and no one thought to take attendance.)

I’ve pondered why, over the years, I’d  do nearly anything (the priciest babysitter in town, the regrets for conflicting events) to avoid missing book club.

I know that I love the intellectual and impassioned discussions, not to mention amazing meals. I value the friendships that have lasted these many years, and all that goes with such friendships: our marriages and our children, our heartbreaking losses,  our jobs and our  birthday parties and the warm web of caring that envelops a group with a shared history.

And the books! Of course I love it for the books, for the stories that linger in my mind for months, years; for passages circled and talked about and thought over long after we’ve moved to next month’s pick.

Cheryl Strayed’s Wild, which detailed her solo hike along the Pacific Crest Trail, was one such book. Our bookclub admired Strayed’s quest, her decision to journey on her own. For women who occasionally dream of escape, she’s the ultimate rock star. But as much as I love a bracing hike, the mountains, my time outdoors–I could never physically do what Strayed did. I could not brave the elements that way, and I certainly could not go without a shower for more than three two days. I’d never be that wild, and neither would my friends (except maybe at friend Sherri’s famous karaoke party but that’s another story). So why did so many readers connect with Cheryl?

My Kitchen: One Wild Setting for One Wild Book

My Kitchen: One Wild Setting for One Wild Book

A.O. Scott’s review of the new Wild film sums up Strayed’s character (played by Reese Witherspoon) perfectly:

“What makes its heroine worth caring about — what makes her a rare and exciting presence in contemporary American film — is not that she’s tidy or sensible or even especially nice. It’s that she’s free.”

He’s nailed it, why we care so much about this book and its heroine–this idea that even with the heavy weight of her past, Cheryl can be free, can seek out an escape from that which weighs her down. She reminds us that freedom is out there, if not on the Pacific Crest Trail, then somewhere of our choosing.

And then it occurred to me: my bookclub has offered just that sort of escape, a haven from too much macaroni and cheese and sparring siblings and endless forms and piles. When my children were babies, it was sometimes the only night out I’d have with my friends. My bookclub, with its fabulous food and literature and company was–still is–my monthly version of a long walk in the woods, a respite from all the stuff.

Maybe we’re not completely different, Cheryl and us gals who need our nights out. Because  even in the wilderness, Strayed finds kindred spirits who cheer or help her when she needs it. She builds a community; as Strayed acknowledges, “the world and its people had opened their arms to me at every turn.”

I am grateful for all my communities, and I’m grateful for books and writers that speak to the essential need to be feel free, whether we find ourselves in the wilds of the woods or on the sofas of the suburbs. Because there are many places we can find our people, right along with finding ourselves.

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19 Responses to Running Wild in the Burbs

  1. Patty Steele December 4, 2014 at 11:15 am #

    Simply a lovely post.

    • Kristin O'Keefe December 4, 2014 at 11:35 am #

      Thanks Patty, I usually edit a gazillion times but tried to leave this one alone. Glad you liked it.

  2. Kerry Regan December 4, 2014 at 12:33 pm #

    I always look forward to reading your blog. Keep doing what you’re doing 🙂

  3. Terry Bierbaum December 4, 2014 at 1:02 pm #

    Loved your post. So well written Kristin. Valuing long time friendships is absolutely golden.
    The Wild was a great ready appreciated by many. I could hardly put it down. If I remember right I think the author is from Minnesota!

    • Kristin O'Keefe December 4, 2014 at 2:09 pm #

      Thanks Terry–Cheryl Strayed did live in MN, probably why she was hardy enough to do that trek. I am not that hardy 🙂

  4. Andrea Brenner December 4, 2014 at 1:12 pm #

    ok… as one of the six oldest members, you made me cry. In my office. During office hours. During final exam week….
    thanks for a beautiful post!
    Andy

    • Kristin O'Keefe December 4, 2014 at 2:08 pm #

      The best feedback you can give a writer: inspiring laughter or tears. Thank you Andy, so grateful for our sixteen years!

  5. Elise Lipoff Mayer December 4, 2014 at 8:45 pm #

    Wow.. You so perfectly articulated how I feel about books, reading, friends and being free. Thank you, as always, for giving us so much to think about. BTW. My daughter lost two teeth after your last blog and I felt guilty giving her $2….

    • Kristin O'Keefe December 4, 2014 at 9:29 pm #

      Thank you, Elise! It means so much to know my words resonate. And I’m so grateful that you take the time to read it. XO.
      PS– No need for guilt over tooth fairy–mantra is a $1 a tooth–so you were right in line 🙂

  6. Darlene Campbell December 5, 2014 at 12:06 am #

    Love your last line Kristin. Your writing just flows. Thanks for the intro to this book. I certainly want to read it now. You make me want to start a book club/supper club too. (Do I have time?) ha ha

    • Kristin O'Keefe December 5, 2014 at 9:07 am #

      Thanks Darlene! Once a month, of course you have time 🙂 And definitely read Wild, it’s terrific.

  7. Marico Sayoc December 5, 2014 at 5:28 am #

    I miss my DC Bookclub and miss all of my wonderful friends. So happy to see that you are all still going strong. This post brought back such happy memories.

    • Kristin O'Keefe December 5, 2014 at 9:06 am #

      We miss you too! I hope you found a bookclub in CA to make new memories. Come visit us!

  8. Susan Gottschalk December 5, 2014 at 8:29 am #

    I continue to follow your blog and enjoy reading about your dreadfully busy life. You have real literary talent and a dry wit that always makes me smile. You and Darlene brighten many a day!

    • Kristin O'Keefe December 5, 2014 at 9:09 am #

      Thank you Susan, love hearing that it brought a smile to you. And it’s a great complement to be in same category as Darlene!

  9. Sherri Holdridge December 6, 2014 at 12:08 pm #

    A great post as always – I just joined a book club and am really enjoying it! What was I missing all of these years. As a writer you are so relatable and witty at the same time. Keep writing – am anxiously awaiting your book. And now I need to read Wild – love backpacking and adventure. And of course love running wild with my friends singing Karaoke! Great memories there…..

    • Kristin O'Keefe December 6, 2014 at 5:46 pm #

      Thanks Sherri! You will love Wild, I promise. Adventure, California.. it’s all exciting.

  10. mom December 6, 2014 at 6:45 pm #

    lovely, honey. Thanks

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