Inspired by the 30th anniversary of the Breakfast Club this year (what?!), let’s follow the evolution of an 80’s teen and revisit ten key milestones. 

1) Work

1985: Got the Chi-Chi’s hostess job, $3.50 an hour!

2015: Someone’s paying me to write! At the freelance rate, which equates to… about $3.50 an hour.

2) Waiting (Also known as “isn’t it funny what we put our lives on hold for?”)

1985: Sat by phone waiting for that boy from beach to call.

2015: Sit by phone waiting for $%* soccer schedule to get posted.

3) Snack Food

1985:  Ruffles potato chips and sour cream and onion dip.

2015: Duh. Should have bought stock in Lipton Onion Soup Mix.

4) Movies

1985: Release of The Breakfast Club. Am told I resemble Ally Sheedy! But does he mean the dandruffy version or lipsticked Ally Sheedy? Ponder this for years.

2015: Watch Breakfast Club with kids. Teen is horrified to watch it with her family; eleven-year-old loves all the inappropriate scenes/language I forgot to remember. (Note: remind him not to tell teen about the time we watched the original Bad News Bears.) Still not sure which Ally Sheedy I was. Nice to not care anymore.

5) Fav Jeans

1985: Saved up my Chi-Chi’s paychecks for a pair of $85 paisley Guess jeans. Wildly admired purchase that met with a sad end when beloved jeans were later traded for a pair of grey Hanes sweatpants. Apparently my college diet got between me and my Guess jeans.

2015: Found on-line: paisley Guess jeans. On sale for $19. Probably marked down because of “super skinny,” qualifier. Women don’t love those. At any age. Especially when we can get Hanes sweatpants for same price.

6) Parking

1985: Driver’s ed: Somehow successfully parallel-parked Pontiac station wagon in under 5 minutes. Passed driver’s test by the narrowest of margins. Instructor pleaded with me to continue to drive with my parents for several more months. I forgot to tell them that last part.

2015: Still cannot parallel park, but for some reason am really good at backing into tight parking spots. Recent highlight: reversed minivan into tiny spot between two Jaguars. Had to climb out sliding back door. Neglected to figure out how Jag owners would get in their cars.

7) Trophies

1985: Resigned myself to fact that I’d never win a single trophy. Pretended it didn’t matter.

2015: This is huge, people. You can buy yourself a trophy. That also doubles as a wine stopper. Isn’t America grand?

8) Concerts

1985: That Purple Rain tour? With Prince in the bathtub? And Sheila E. and that guy she pulled up from the audience and then... never mind.

2015: Um, yeah, honey, Taylor does have an awesome wardrobe and peppy songs. No one’s learning anything new here though. Back in my day… never mind.

9) Sleep

1985: Slept 9 hours a night. School went 9:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Left enough time for one activity and/or a job, homework. No need for caffeine.

2015: Local high school starts at 7:20 a.m. I rely on coffee. Teen not there yet but could be soon. This is crazy.

10) Friends

1985: I chose wisely.

2015: Still choosing wisely. Love the kids’ friends too. And this matters more than: which level of competitive soccer you play, how many AP classes you take or what college you attend. People trump rankings every time. Trust me. I’ve been around a while.

Bonus: The song Nothing Compares 2 U, clearly an ode to Ruffles and sour cream and onion dip, was originally written by Prince in 1985. It was made famous by Sinead O’Connor a few years later. For the record: Prince always wins, against anyone. (What if he filled the purple bathtub with sour cream and onion dip?! I’ll bring the chips.)