Why Does Facebook Think I Want These Ugly Sweaters?

With the news as rough as it is, online shopping is supposed to be a nice distraction. But I am so confused by the sweaters that keep popping up in my Facebook feed. Let’s start with this whole thing from Anthropologie.

Anthropologie: perfect kitchen and bathrobe, 2017

They are trying to sell me a bathrobe masquarading as a sweater and all I can see is that stunning kitchen. Also the buyer comments note a shedding problem, though one owner of the Mod Chevron Kimono wears it with leather leggings “so the white fluff glides off easily.”

I feel like maybe I should be a consultant for their target adult demographic.

Tip #1: They missed an excellent opportunity to try to sell us some slippers.

Tip #2: Most women would not wear a white bathrobe to stir anything involving red sauce. Especially with white fluff flying everywhere.

Tip #3: Maybe make it shed-proof so we don’t have to buy leather pants to go with.

Tip #4: The fan base wants that kitchen. We would go through the depths of Mordor–or at least climb a moderately steep mountain range–for that range. We would also sacrifice many things for someone to keep it that clean and sparkly. Alas, we would not wear the kimono, as the sleeves would probably catch on fire or get in the red sauce. 

We deserve an anthro-apology for an excess of kitchen envy and that shedding bathrobe.

Not to be outdone, Target wanted to make sure I saw this one.

Target, Women’s Holiday Sweater Pinafores

Since they’re calling it a holiday sweater pinafore, let’s define “pinafore” for Target. It’s “a sleeveless apron-like garment worn over a child’s dress.” They are big sellers in the American Girl Doll store.

Newsflash for Target: the scarf does not count as a pinafore. A real pinafore is pictured below, on the four-year-old.

Little Carrie Ingalls in an ACTUAL pinafore on The Little House on the Prairie

Something else just seemed a little off with the Target holiday sweater not-a-pinafore. Were the button eyes too perfect? The heels just a tad high? Alison nailed it in the Target comments.

Right?! You can’t see that it smells like petroleum, but it really does. Clearly that’s ok with Alison but I just can’t. Too old. Maybe that guy from the movie Frozen is cool with it though. Sense of smell being what it is when you have a carrot nose.

I think for date night I’ll skip Olaf the snowman, find my husband and try on this double-dose of lunacy:

Kind of brilliant marketing, as it had millions of views for vt.

On the plus side, we can still each raise a glass of cheer. Merry sweaters to all!

Author: Kristin O'Keefe

Kristin O’Keefe has bartended in Scotland, written speeches for college presidents, and led communications & marketing for an economic development organization. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, McSweeney's, Barrelhouse, Your Teen, Grown and Flown, and Scary Mommy. Find her on Twitter @_KristinOKeefe and Facebook at Kristin O'Keefe, writer.

12 thoughts on “Why Does Facebook Think I Want These Ugly Sweaters?

  1. Melanie says:

    Too, too good. Glad that you are here to point out the marketing lunacy. Sadly, lunacy is all too apparent in the news and not funny. Thanks for the distraction and the chuckles!!!❤️

  2. Mary says:

    You made my day, This whole subject matter is right on and absolutely hilarious! Good job Kristin O’Keefe!

  3. Allison says:

    Loved this! And for the record I am not the Alison who loved petroleum smelling pinafores.

    I am in need of some festive holiday attire for a party in Potomac on Dec 23rd and this post gave me lots of great ideas.

  4. Gail says:

    You’ve got the gift Kristin. Whether tackling the serious or the silly you serve it up with style! This was thoroughly entertaining. Keep on sharing.


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